I know how you are feeling, i have four children ranging from ages 5 down to 2. My two youngest who are twins are 2 and have been diagnosed with spastic diplegia ceberal palsy. We only got the results of their tests in june. The twins have also got periventricular leukomalisia as well as other problems. I was the same as yourself when i first found out, and was really moody with every one. But i found that with time, family and friends, i have learnt to cope. And i find that as long as my girls are happy then what could be the worst thing that could happen.

Our youngest son Charlie is now 2 1/2 years old. Charlie is a bright little boy who suffers with spastic quadriplegia CP. I have 2 older children who are 6 and 10 who have no special needs. I have a wonderful wife who gave up her job to tend to all Charlies needs. I go to work 5 days a week and when at work I am an easy going type, get on with the task at hand. When I arrive home I am on edge shouting a lot at everyone. I cannot seem to relax and I feel I am adding to my wifes problems.

How can I resolve this??

Hi Andy,

You're stressed, mate. I don't know you, so I don't know if my suggestions would be of any help, but I think you should try and make some time to yourself and your wife (and a bottle of wine, if you like a drink) and talk about things. It's important to keep the line of communication open with your partner. If there are things going on inside you that you don't want to share with her, then counselling can help. Talking to someone impartial can be very helpful in trying to understand what is going on with yourself in order to make changes. If talking yourself out of a problem is not your thing, try sports. I got sick of talking to a counsillor after a year and took up karate. I'm not only superfit, but I could probably send a potential mugger to causalty. Punching and kicking in martial arts is a very good way of releasing energy. Any sports would do, as long as you enjoy it.

People find many ways of coping with stress in their lives, but the most important thing is that you and your wife are supportive of each other. It sounds that you're aware of her stresses, but try and acknowledge your own as well.

good luck.

I'm there too. I'm a father to twin boys about the same age as Charlie, and both have CP. They were diagnosed in May this year, although we suspected for a long time there were problems. Since then we've had to fight for everything. The boys only started sleeping through the night in September, so we've been petty shattered until recently.

My wife went to work in January for her sanity and works three days a week. We employ a nanny to cover for those days and all three of us make a good team to look after the boys. I work from home on two of the days that my wife works so I'm around to help our nanny, if she needs it.

Things, on the whole, are well balanced. My wife's family are great with the children and help out when they can. Particualrly my mother in law, though it pains me to say it!!

My family, on the other hand, are hopeless. This is when my stress comes. They don't visit, let alone help, and when they do see us, I get "there's nothing wrong with those children". You can imagine how I respond!

I've found I've become very particular at work. If people aren't pulling their weight or their work is sloppy, I find it hard to deal with them civily. Generally I'm intolerant of people who don't understand. We find we're becoming more distant from friends whose children of the same age and can count to ten, walk and are generally normal. I am also snappy with people. We once got asked at a family barbeque if our children were "mongrels" - can you imagine!

At least you and I are aware that we're snappy. The suggestion from mafala was a good one. I used to play a lot of squash, but haven't played recently. My wife says I have become more stressed without this outlet. I'm going to get into it again to take my agression out on a rubber ball, and to loose the gut I've developed! I'm even considering taking up yoga, even if it is a bit girly.

This my first ever post on any website and I feel better for having a rant already! Thanks for listening, though I doubt I've helped you any.

I guess the main thing is that our families are the most precious things in our lives and we wouldn't be without them. It's best not to take it out on them. It's a hell of a lot easier to say than do, but we've got to try. Go for a walk, count to ten, drag a mate out for a pint, just do what it takes not to be angry.

Good luck. I need it too.