For me, a lot of days feel like ‘blue Monday’. I have anxiety, depression and borderline personality disorder. I haven’t been in a good place the past few months. My anxiety sometimes makes it difficult to be happy. Over the years I’ve found good coping strategies. Talking to someone was one of the best things I ever did and now I encourage others to do the same.
I first started thinking about mental health at the age of thirteen. In the beginning there was no one to help me because I was just seen as a ‘problem child’. When I told teachers that I was struggling, they didn’t take me seriously. Once, I was in an exam and I told the teacher that I was feeling sick due to anxiety. They told me to “grow up and stop being pathetic”. That sent me over the edge. I felt alone for the first time. I failed the exam and I ended up in the hospital for an emergency appointment.
A turning point
That was a turning point for me. It happened in front of 180 people at school, so not only did it impact me, but it also impacted a lot of other young people who could have been going through similar things.
After that incident, everybody started treating me a bit differently and understanding me more. I realised that I was never going to get better if I didn’t talk to people about it. That was when I really started coming to terms with myself, my own needs and my own mental health.
Destigmatising mental health
I’m very open on social media. I talk about mental health in a way that destigmatises it. I make people laugh, at the same time as showing that it’s a serious thing.
I wish people were less afraid of honesty. Even in music, a lot of things about mental health are censored. YouTube won’t promote my music because I’ve mentioned that I’ve felt suicidal or depressed, and Facebook won’t promote it. It really frustrates me. Especially when you see these platforms marketing things that you don’t need. And yet I can’t promote something with a positive message.
I often feel isolated. Sometimes I just prefer to be alone. I constantly feel alone in a crowd, even if I’m surrounded by good friends. I feel like I don’t fit in, which is really difficult sometimes. I posted that on social media. I wanted to start accepting my mental health and raising awareness, letting people know that it’s okay to talk about it and that there’s help out there.
Talking to people can help
In most families, there’s at least one person who will understand. The same goes for friends. I try to surround myself with good people. It might be difficult at first, but I’ve learned that talking will help in the long run. People will try to find a way to help you through hard times.
If you’re still not ready or not sure if people will understand, talking on social media can help things improve. You can be anonymous and sometimes that makes it easier to talk about the fact that you’re struggling, because you know that nobody will know who you are. It can also help you find like-minded people.
Letting people know that they’re not alone, and that there are other people there who are wanting to listen to them is incredible. I know from my own experience that it can be hard at first to talk to people around you, so I always say that people can talk to me. I’m very open on social media and lots of people do reach out.
Over the years, thousands of people have messaged me and said positive things and told me that I’ve helped them open up about their own mental health, which is incredible. For people who struggle to talk or feel like they’re not going to be heard, I want you to know that you will be heard, and that speaking out about what you’re going through can really help.
If you’re having a difficult time with your mental health, you can speak to your GP or contact organisations like Mind for support.
If you’d like to share your own experiences, get in touch with Scope's stories team.
Connect with me on Twitter: @JoshSmiiffy